Life,  Words


This, is where I study.
First year in university.
a.k.a freshman.
This was the most exciting year in university one would ever feel. At least for an international student coming from a place without any changes in climate. Well one would not feel so thrilled to study overseas unless the country is good. For me I went from Malaysia to Canada, which is a good country.
I didn’t feel anything particularly special about Canada before I got here. From the universities pamphlet, it only looks just like any four-season countries with a lot of trees. The changes of season does actually interest me in going overseas as I’m a nature person. a.k.a one who finds enjoyment in blending in with nature. I do look forward to autumn which the Canadians refer it as “fall” season. Why do I like the season? Well it is simply because how awesome, beautiful and magnificent those yellow-red-green color combination of the trees in the season. And so, I went to Canada.
In Ottawa, the environment here are so different from what I could compare to Malaysia, at least in what I could observe from Puchong and KL. Here, the roads are very calm, it is not a busy city. Even in apartment areas the road won’t be so busy. It is nothing like Malaysia where the roads gets always busy just because of the lack in urban planning I believe.
Enrolling for Degrees in Mechanical Engineering, I never thought for once that I would have to put a lot of effort into study. After all, back in high school, my friends always said that I would get a good score even if I did slack off. I guess those words did “trick” me to some extent. Thus I get so easy-going with my commitment to study.
Really. Why did I get tricked by those words? Actually when I think about it, I do put a lot of effort into study. I concentrate so much in class, I do have interests in what the teachers are delivering, I think a lot in my mind. I guess there are just times which I got sleepy in class and it got my classmates attention. Then they would say things like “You could even do that even if you sleep in class”. When in reality, I already got what is taught before I sleep. And even if I don’t get it, I will spend time studying in my room on my bed before I sleep most of the time. That, is how hard I studied. At least that is how I could recall. Well, there might be some occasions where I got sleepy once I open my books. Duh, happens every time now.
So that was high school. It was a very general field of study. Some little basics of physics, chemistry, biology, maths and all.. Those are easy. Nothing I can’t handle. But now in university, it was totally on a different level. Oh wait, I don’t feel it was on a different level yet when I was a freshman. I didn’t feel that way back then. Although I do feel insecure if I made the right choice, that I chose the right route, that this route would enlighten my future.
Coming to Canada, in Ottawa particularly, there is not much distraction to be worried. At least not geographically since there is nothing to do here. No interesting place, no interesting activities either. It really is just a good place to study and a beautiful city to live in. I should be fine.
Except for finding friends.
Just not literally, though.
I didn’t make a lot of friends. As expected, it really is hard to make friends. Not a quiet guy like me. Even in the schools I ever went in, it is rare that I make the first move of being friendly to anyone. I don’t express anything much to anyone. I’ve always kept it to myself. Back then, I probably think it was common to just keep your feeling to yourself, even if it were small things. It will not cause trouble to others (although it could cost your own inconvenience). Just keep things the way it is. That was what I thought.
Ohh going back to what I said about friends. I did not make any new ones. Okay that’s quite wrong. In fact I do make one or two. Another reason I didn’t make friends that much is because I’m probably a perfectionist. “Probably”. Because I’m not. I do want to be one, but I think I will never be. It was just an ideal hope. And so how being a perfectionist stops me from talking to others? Well, I never talk much, even so in English. I’m not a fluent speaker. I think it would be embarrassing to be talking with a lot of “umm”, “aaa”, and then ends up using some word-by-word sentences. At least that’s how I was back then.
How foolish. It doesn’t matter how bad you are at something. With practice, it will only get better. If you are embarrassed, you will get used to it. That’s just how simple it is. God is just. He helps anyone who puts their effort into something. Yes, anyone. It doesn’t matter if the heart is pure or rotten, He will help anyone. In the end, the only thing holding you back is yourself. You and your worries on how other sees you.
I just said that the only thing holding you back is yourself. Well, actually there is another one – friends. There are friends that push you forward. Also the ones that hold you back. Usually they would influence you with their pessimist thoughts. Somehow when you rely too much on these kinds of friends, you wont have any character development. Back then, I should have realized that “every man is for himself”. For example, if you want to go photograph some landscapes, not everyone would have the same interest. You might be the only one who wants to do it. In these kinds of situation, I think it is better off to do things by your own. Forget about friends. The only people who can push you is none other than yourself. Off course your parents are also reliable. But living without them by your side, who else can push you if not you yourself?
Despite all of that, I do love all my friends. My point is that you should be fine with or without them. While there are friends who supports you, treasure them. I guess this goes without saying.
March forward.


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